


in which an entire university faculty becomes far too involved in Pankratz and Vengerberg's love life

by JustGail



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone is immortal, F/F, F/M, Immortal Jaskier | Dandelion, M/M, Multi, Original Character(s), POV Outsider, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, like. a lot of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustGail/pseuds/JustGail
Summary: “I don’t believe it,” Jack said.“Why not?” Serena said. “It’s as likely as anything else about the two of those. Personally, I think they’re going to get together before the end of the year.”The entire room filled with chuckles.“The two of those?” Estelle asked. “No way. I bet they have some history making them act this way, that it stands between the two of them ever getting along like that.”Serena smiled. “Care to make that bet official?”After that, everyone in the history department made sure to pay extra attention to the two of them. Any piece of information was considered valuable, and hoarded as if it was gold.Or, the AU in which everyone is immortal and Jaskier and Yennefer go back to college for shits and giggles, and the professors in the history department are very, very confused.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Jaskier | Dandelion/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Original Character/Original Character
Comments: 31
Kudos: 162





	in which an entire university faculty becomes far too involved in Pankratz and Vengerberg's love life

**Author's Note:**

> This all comes from the server previously known as the Jaskel server, but is now known as "Thirsttraps on Main". I love all of you. I can't believe this exists now.  
> There's so much more to this au that I could have written. I might write Geralt's POV on this one day, because some of the things we came up with are hilarious, but really, I'm pretty happy with this.  
> Enjoy!

“There is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that the Gregorian calendar has any _real_ benefits over the Julian calendar,” Jaskier Pankratz argued. Jack Mikhailson, professor of the medieval history course Pankratz is taking, raised his fingers to his temples and rubbed them softly, as if trying to get rid of a headache.

“Once again,” he said, “I do not see why this matters. I have already explained why the change was made half a dozen times – “

“And I am still left unconvinced,” Pankratz huffed.

Jack suppressed a groan. “Is this personal, somehow? Do you know someone named Julian?”

“Don’t mind him, professor,” Yennefer Vengerberg interrupted. She was another student in the class, and a kind of rival to Pankratz, as far as Jack could tell. “He’s just got an _old soul_.”

She smirked at Pankratz, and Jack made an executive decision not to care.

“Listen, both of you,” Jack said, “class has been over for _ten minutes_. While you two are very bright students, I have absolutely no wish to discuss this any longer. If you want, you can research this matter on your own. Now, I have another class in twenty minutes, so if the two of you could please leave?”

Pankratz looked as though he was about to argue, but seemed to change his mind. “Fine.” He stalked out of the classroom; Vengerberg rolled her eyes and followed him out.

“Gods fucking damn it,” Jack muttered to himself.

“Hey,” said a voice from the doorway, and Jack was ready to cry if it was Jaskier and Yennefer again, but it was just Madeleine, a fellow medieval history professor. “Did I just see Pankratz and Vengerberg storm out of here?”

“Yep,” Jack groaned. “Those two will drive me crazy. Brilliant students, but my gods, I get so tired being in their presence.”

Madeleine shivered. “I completely understand you. Last week Vengerberg gave me an absolutely brilliant paper on the connection between the fall of Cintra and the battle of Sodden Hill, something I know for a fact Estelle has been trying to prove for her entire academic career, but then spent the rest of the class arguing with Pankratz over which event was more crucial to the events of the next few years. If it weren’t so gods-damn educational for the rest of the class, I would’ve been tempted to throw them out.”

“I know,” Jack said. “Oh, shit, did you want something?”

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Madeleine responded, “we’re having a faculty dinner next Friday at Estelle’s. Everyone except Roman is invited. You coming?”

“Probably,” Jack said. “I’ll have to check with the wife to see she doesn’t have any other plans, but I doubt she’s got anything planned this far in advance.”

“Oh, did you hear?” Serena said. She was also part of the department, but really her focus was more on archeology than history. The two of them were sitting in the faculty lounge, drinking some very mediocre coffee; neither of them had a class to teach until later this afternoon.

“What?” Jack asked.

Serena leaned forward, as if telling a secret. “You know Pankratz and Vengerberg, yes?”

“Of course,” Jack sighed, “I have the displeasure of having them both in one of my classes.”

“Well, it seems as though that’s no coincidence,” Serena said.

Jack straightened his back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Serena said in stage whisper, “that they have the _exact same schedule_. As far as I can tell from what the secretaries have told me, they signed up to all of the same classes, and have done so since freshman year.”

“Seriously?” Jack said. “Why would they do that? They _hate_ each other.”

Serena shrugged. “Might be some kind of competition? They seem to have known each other before they started here. Peter Redfield – you know, from the philosophy department? – he told me that he saw them show up to registration day together. He remembered because they had this big guy with them, some muscly with this weirdly silvery hair, except he seemed to be only a little bit older than the two of them.”

“Isn’t Peter seventy years old?” Jack snorts. “I wouldn’t trust his memory that well.”

Serena shrugged again, then leaned back. “Who knows. But I would keep watch if I were you. I think there’s more going on with the two of them beyond some petty rivalry.”

“Or,” Jack said, “they were just unlucky and ended up stuck with each other.”

“For all three years?”

“Stranger things have happened,” Jack said.

“Maybe.” Serena sounded unconvinced, but she let the matter go, and they moved onto other topics.

“Estelle, this is wonderful,” Jack said. “I’m stuffed to the brim.”

Estelle grinned. “That’s unfortunate,” she said, “because I haven’t brought out dessert yet.”

“You’re a blessing on us all,” Norman said. “Thank you so very much.”

“What was it you were saying?” Serena asked Martin while Estelle went into the kitchen to get dessert. “About Pankratz’s paper on Dandelion the bard? That’s not even your area.”

Martin shrugged. “He claimed that since we were talking about Renaissance composers who were influenced by earlier musical traditions and sometimes directly rebelling against them, traveling bards were relevant to the topic at hand. And you know what, with a paper like that, I can’t complain. I have never seen a more compelling proof of not just Dandelion’s existence but also his specific position at Oxenfurt, not even in the best of history journals. He even hinted at the existence of witchers influencing Dandelion’s writing, but didn’t go into it. Estelle,” he said as she walked back into the room, rum cake in hand, “you should assign Pankratz a paper on the subject, because if he can prove this, he might be able to successfully argue a case for their actual existence, and I know that with your focus on the Nilfgaardian empire you probably would want to hear it.”

“Gods, that sounds like a wet dream,” she said. “The paper Vengerberg wrote me single-handedly cut three years of research off my thesis. If he did that, I’d be able to finish my doctorate tomorrow.”

“That sounds lovely,” Jack agreed. “Too bad the two of them are such pains in the ass. Excuse my language.”

“No, you’re absolutely right,” said Norman. “Nobody likes having them in their class, but absolutely everybody benefits from it. I know someone from the music department who said that Pankratz knows how to play the lute and demonstrated it for the entire class. Apparently Silverman cried at his performance.”

“Holy shit,” Madeleine said. “Silverman? The Silverman who once threw a student out of his class because she dared to laugh too hard at a joke her classmate made? The same Silverman who I have never seen make an expression once in his life? That Silverman?”

Norman nodded. “The very same.”

“I don’t believe it,” Jack said.

“Why not?” Serena said. “It’s as likely as anything else about the two of those. Personally, I think they’re going to get together before the end of the year.”

The entire room filled with chuckles.

“The two of those?” Estelle asked. “No way. I bet they have some history making them act this way, that it stands between the two of them ever getting along like that.”

Serena smiled. “Care to make that bet official?”

Estelle hesitated. “What’s the forfeit?” she asked. “And what’s in it for me?”

“Loser teaches the other’s intro class next year,” Martin suggested.

“Ooh, that’s good,” Madeleine said.

“I’m in,” Serena said.

Estelle glanced around the room. “Fuck it,” she said. “I’m in.”

After that, everyone in the history department made sure to pay extra attention to the two of them. Any piece of information was considered valuable, and hoarded as if it was gold.

“I saw Pankratz at the mall yesterday,” Norman said. “He was with this blonde girl. I think he’s dating her.”

“No way,” Madeleine said. “I saw him with that blond guy Peter Redfield told us about just last week. He came to pick him up after class.”

“Maybe they’re related?” Martin asked.

“Which ones?” Jack asked.

“The blonds, obviously,” Martin said.

Norman shrugged. “All I know is they seemed really familiar with each other, and I saw him pay for her food.”

“And either way, that would mean Pankratz is seeing someone other than Vengerberg,” Jack pointed out.

“Point to Estelle, I suppose,” Norman said, and Madeleine seemed a little disappointed. She seemed really invested in the whole thing, a lot more than Jack was. Really, all of them were. But Jack didn’t mind. It was just a bit of harmless fun.

“They did it again,” Serena announced as she walked into the faculty room. “Spent an entire class squabbling over something in the textbook. Except this time _they agreed with each other_. They claim the book was wrong. I assigned them an extra credit assignment, if they can prove their claim.”

“Let me guess,” Norman said drily, “you said they have to do it together.”

Serena smirked. “So what if I did? The tension between them was _palpable_. Besides, I bet I can get Georgie from the library to snoop on them and give us some information on the way they behave outside of class.”

Jack butts in. “Isn’t that just a _little_ creepy?”

Serena waved him off. “Nah,” she said. “They’re going to be in a public place. If Georgie just _happens_ to overhear them… Well, you know. She’s not doing anything _wrong_.”

Georgie ended up actually recording the two, which in Jack’s opinion, was absolutely wrong.

Still, he joined the group around the faculty table to hear it play.

_“Yennefer,” Pankratz says, “what, in the name of all that is good, are you doing?”_

_“I’m just trying to find a reliable source,” Vengerberg responds. The sounds of pages turning and general library sounds continues for a moment._

_“Okay, but,” Pankratz says, “we_ are _a reliable source. At the very least we could ask Eskel for some help, I know he’s gotta have some books on the subject in that giant library of his.”_

 _Vengerberg snorts. “Jask, you know as well as I do that he has no idea where the fuck anything is in that library. Since he inherited it he’s been_ reading _it, not actually organizing it.”_

_“That’s a good point. Maybe Geralt?”_

_“Listen, I love the man. You know I love that man. But he’s a fucking idiot who has spent every moment of his life pretending history isn’t happening, even when it is.”_

_Pankratz snorts in a manner remarkably similar to Vengerberg. “Like he hasn’t spent his entire life_ meddling _in history. He’s hopeless. You never should have married him.”_

_“You’re one to talk,” she says. “With your taste in partners.”_

_“Yen, you wound me,” he says, sounding very much amused and not hurt at all. “You should appreciate my taste in partners. Considering we’re working on this together, at the very least.”_

Jack could practically _hear_ Vengerberg rolling her eyes.

_“I bet there’ll be something in the occult section,” she says instead._

_There’s a sound of shuffling, and their voices become distant – too distant to hear. The recording shuts off._

“Well,” Estelle said, “she’s _married_. To some guy named Geralt. Obviously they won’t get together.”

“I’ve never seen a ring,” Jack pointed out.

“Doesn’t mean they aren’t married. Not everyone wears rings nowadays. All these youngsters,” said Norman, who was one of the youngest in the group.

Serena looked pained, but still said, “I still have almost an entire semester. Anything could happen.”

“I wonder who this Geralt is,” Madeleine said.

It wasn’t long before they found out. It was the blond man, the one Peter and Madeleine had both seen. He was sitting in the lobby when Jack left a classroom – in fact, the same classroom in which he had just finished teaching Pankratz and Vengerberg. The two of them had already approached him, and Yennefer shared a short kiss with him. Pankratz hugged him and called out his name, just to confirm it – he really had a… _loud_ persona.

“Well, that’s it, I suppose,” Norman sighed. “Estelle and Serena might as well make it official.”

“Still got time!” Serena said, pouting, just a little.

Jack thought that it was pretty clear from the look on Vengerberg’s face that she was deeply in love with this Geralt, but what did he know.

The teaching staff weren’t the only ones invested in this issue, as Jack learned when a trio of students entered his classroom early, gossiping the entire time.

“Oh come _on_ ,” one of them said – Gregory Thomson, Jack was pretty sure. He was usually quiet during class, but his voice was raised at the moment, seemingly not noticing Jack’s presence at the front of the room. “You could cut the tension between Yennefer and Jaskier with a knife!”

“Didn’t you hear about that blond guy though?” said another student, Elena Rodriguez. “Yennefer kissed him in the middle of the fucking lobby. They're clearly together.”

“I don’t know,” said the third student, Eric Brown. “Yennefer doesn’t strike me as the monogamous type. And Jaskier flirts with _everyone_. I bet that his way of flirting with Yennefer is just… as antagonistic as she is.”

“Exactly,” Thomson agreed.

“Pshh,” Rodriguez said. “Jaskier does nothing but argue with her. I once heard them yell at each other three classrooms away. Even if they were flirting – and there’s no way they are – then it would only lead to a _deeply_ toxic relationship.”

“Didn’t you see them in the library the other day, though?” Brown said. “They were all chummy when cooperating on that project Professor Gardener gave them. Anne said she thinks they would totally have made out if they were alone. And they seemed _really_ familiar with each other. Like they go way back. No way they’d know each other that long and not develop _some_ kind of positive relationship, or Yennefer would have fucking obliterated that twink already.”

“Well, firstly, he is way too wide to be a twink,” Brown said, “and secondly, okay, maybe they’re familiar with each other, but that’s so heteronormative of you to assume that means they’re together just because they’re a boy and a girl.”

Thomson looked beat. “You have a point.”

“Thank you,” Brown said, looking very self-satisfied.

Unfortunately, at that point another group of students entered the room, disrupting the conversation and any chance for Jack to learn more about what they thought about the two maybe-lovebirds.

Not that he cared.

But still.

It would have been interesting.

“You know that Geralt guy Vengerberg is supposedly married to?” Norman said to him one day.

“Yeah, we’ve all seen him by now,” Jack responded. It was true; he’d come to pick up either Vengerberg or Pankratz or even both several times by now. They did seem to at least be friends, which was giving a bit more credence to Serena’s theory.

“I think he might be way older than he looks,” Norman said. “Might even be closer to our age.”

“Oh?” Estelle said, joining the conversation. “Why?”

“Remember the blonde girl I saw him with at the mall?” Both Jack and Estelle nodded. “She came with him yesterday. And I heard her call him _Dad_.”

“ _What?_ ” Estelle and Jack said simultaneously.

“No way,” Jack said. “He looks like, 25 at most. Maybe 30. And you said she looked old enough to date Pankratz!”

“Maybe he had her as a teenager,” Estelle offered. “Maybe he looks young for his age, and she’s one of those kids who went through puberty super early, so she’s like, a teenager and he’s thirty something.”

“That would explain why Pankratz was paying for her when you saw them,” Jack said thoughtfully.

“Okay,” Norman said, “but wouldn’t that mean that Vengerberg and this Geralt have a really big age difference? I already thought it was weird for a twenty one year old to be married, but that’s just downright creepy.”

“I bet Pankratz was taunting her about how creepy their relationship is during that library session,” Jack said.

“No way!” Estelle exclaimed. “That was absolutely genuine. And sometimes people just get together despite a big age difference. My grandparents had a fifteen year age gap when they got married.”

“Yeah, but that was a different time,” Norman said. “These millennials – or generation Z, whatever they are – they’re basically not getting married at all, let alone when they’re _twenty one_.”

Estelle looked unconvinced – or, she looked determined to be unconvinced. “I don’t know. Vengerberg basically never expresses any emotions, but we’ve all seen how she acts next to this guy.”

“No ring, though,” Jack pointed out.

Wait, no. He didn’t want to be involved.

Fuck.

He was invested, wasn’t he?

Godsdamn it.

The thing is, it wasn’t just the tension between Vengerberg and Pankratz that made them stand out.

They were also _deeply_ weird.

They often sounded a little stiff, a little formal, especially when they became heated or passionate. And Jack didn’t exactly keep track of slang now that he was in his early forties, but when they did use it, it sounded awkward, out of date. Hell, sometimes they’d say things that were outdated when _he_ was a young adult. He once heard Pankratz say _groovy_ , no irony involved, as far as Jack could tell.

And their wide array of knowledge – sometimes Jack got the impression that they’d taken his class before. Or when they took matters way too personally – the Julian calendar issue, or Dandelion the bard, or the Battle of Sodden Hill. The way they seemed to be able to connect and discuss issues experts in the field couldn’t even begin to approach.

There was also that one sentence – the one they all brushed away when they originally listened to the library recording, but that came back to him later – when Pankratz said that “we _are_ a reliable source”. What did that mean? That they had done external research? They seemed to have a friend – that Eskel – who had inherited some kind of library. Gods, if he could only get his hands on that theoretical collection – there was probably so much to learn there.

Well, it was what it was.

And it didn’t seem like they were learning anything new anytime soon. Looked like Estelle was going to win the bet. And Jack had the sneaking suspicion that during the celebrations, Madeleine might… make a move, so to speak. It was cute, really.

But really, there was no way Serena was going to win at this point.

“Lambert, you asshole,” Pankratz yelled from across the lobby one afternoon. A red-headed man was accompanying Vengerberg’s Geralt – although Vengerberg was nowhere to be around today. Presumably, this was Lambert. “What are you doing here?”

“Eskel kicked me out,” Lambert shouted back, “and Aiden’s still off on that fucking hunting trip. Figured I’d crash your date.”

 _Date?_ Jack thought. _Nah. That’s gotta be a euphemism for hanging out as friends. Like “that’s a date”._

“Rude,” Pankratz huffed, getting closer. “Geralt, honey, tell your brother he’s being rude. This is our alone time.”

Wait.

_Honey?_

Geralt shrugged. “Somebody’s gotta babysit him.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Lambert said, cuffing Geralt in the back of the head. He was only a little shorter than Geralt, who was quite tall, so Lambert probably would also impose on everyone else in the room. Seemed as if extreme tall-ness was a family trait, then. Geralt sighed deeply, clearly used to this kind of behavior from his brother.

“Fine,” Jaskier said, “but if anything disgusting gets on any of my clothing, the cost of replacing them and/or dry cleaning them comes directly out of your pocket.”

Lambert rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Come on, lovebirds, let’s go. The gear’s in the car.”

“Sweet Melitele, Lambert,” Pankratz said. “Care to yell that any louder?”

“What?” Lambert asked indignantly as they exited the building.

Geralt responded by smacking Lambert on the back of his head, and then easily evading Lambert’s attempt at responding with violence.

And then they were all out of the building, presumably still bickering, although Jack could no longer see or hear them.

What the fuck?

“What the fuck?” Madeleine asked incredulously.

“That’s what I said,” Jack said. They were all gathered at Madeleine’s for dinner this time, but she had ordered takeout rather than cook herself. “You don’t want to eat anything I would cook, believe me,” she had said, and honestly, the takeout was good, so.

“Are you _sure_ you heard correctly?” Estelle asked.

“Why would he lie?” Martin responded in Jack’s place. “Besides, I overheard some freshmen talk about it. It definitely seems like Pankratz and Geralt are involved.”

“But he’s married to Vengerberg,” Madeleine despaired. “This makes no sense.”

“Unless they’re cheating,” Norman suggested.

“They wouldn’t yell about it in the middle of the lobby if it was cheating,” Serena pointed out.

They all nodded at that.

“Maybe,” Martin suggested, “it’s like that You Me Her show. I think it’s on Netflix.”

“What do you mean?” Jack asked.

“Well,” he said carefully, “like those polyamory things. Vengerberg is married to him, and Pankratz is dating him. That would explain the rivalry thing, wouldn’t it? Like some kind of jealousy.”

“Huh,” Madeleine said.

“Ooh,” Serena said excitedly, “that means that if they wanted, the two of them could date as well!”

Estelle swore as Serena grinned at everyone else in the room.

“Damn,” Jack said. “Looks like Serena still has a fighting chance.”

The next hint came in the form of the blonde girl Norman had been talking about for months now. Madeleine and Jack were both in the lobby this time when the girl lightly jogged into the lobby to greet Vengerberg and Pankratz. “Ciri!” Pankratz said excitedly, and she hugged both him and Vengerberg in turn. Vengerberg hugged her particularly close, looking almost happy to see her. “You’re back early!”

“Yeah, well, it was easier than we thought.” The girl – Ciri, apparently – shrugged. “Dad wanted me to tell you that he’s busy cleaning up and couldn’t come today. I thought the three of us could go to dinner instead, though? I know it’s only been a few weeks but it feels like it’s been _forever_.”

“Of course,” Vengerberg said. “That Italian place?”

“Yes please,” Ciri said.

“Okay, but you’re paying,” Pankratz told Vengerberg. “That place is so overpriced.”

Vengerberg snorted. “Obviously. That’s why you love it so much.”

Pankratz grinned at her, then offered her his arm. Vengerberg rejected it, so Ciri took it instead, but she couldn’t hide the fact her face twisted into a soft smile.

Madeleine leaned over to Jack and said, “See? Chemistry.”

And honestly, Jack kind of saw it now.

Ultimately, it was only a week before the end of the semester when it happened.

The way he told it, Martin had decided the day was probably too nice and decided to indulge in a cig, just to ruin it a little. He went out back to do it away from everyone else, only to find that there were two students messing around behind the building. And lo and behold, who was it but Vengerberg and Pankratz themselves.

Martin said he congratulated them on finally getting together, but that they both looked at him, completely baffled.

“What are you talking about?” Pankratz had said.

“Well,” Martin had replied, “you’ve been flirting all year. Some of us thought you’d get together soon enough.”

This is when Pankratz burst out laughing, and even Yennefer couldn’t hide an amused yet somehow condescending smile.

“Oh, sweet Melitele,” Pankratz had responded. “That’s the best thing anybody’s told me all year.”

And that’s when Martin found out.

It wasn’t a V.

It was a proper fucking triangle from the very beginning.

“You’re kidding,” Estelle said.

“Nope!” Martin said, popping the P for a little bit of extra emphasis. “They’ve all been together for years. Apparently, they’re not even in their twenties. They just decided to go back to school a little late in life.”

“What the fuck,” Jack said. “But they look so – “

“That’s what I said,” Martin said. “Pankratz says he moisturizes. Vengerberg just refused to give me an explanation. Either way, I bet they’re all in their early thirties at least.”

“Damn,” Norman said. “Well, I guess that means that Serena wins.”

“No, no way,” Madeleine protested, “Serena said they’d get together by the end of the year. But they were already together before they even started their degree!”

“Good point,” Martin said.

“No, no,” Norman said, “Serena was still technically right. They got together before the end of the year. It was just a very long time before the end of the year.”

“Eh,” Serena said. “I’m going to let them have this one. Neither of us won. Which means – “ she shuddered – “we’re both going to have to teach freshmen next year. Obscene.”

Jack only just withheld a chuckle, but only because Serena was absolutely right. Teaching freshmen was, as a rule, not fun.

“Fuck yeah,” Estelle said, and then tackled Madeleine, kissing her straight on the mouth.

Norman gagged. “Take that shit somewhere else.”

Madeleine pulled back, and Estelle outright giggled, as if she wasn’t a grown ass woman. “Sorry,” she said, not looking even a little bit sorry. “Just happy not to teach _another_ intro class.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Norman said, rolling his eyes.

“Well,” Jack said. “This was a hell of a semester, don’t you think?”

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it!  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it. And if you did, please consider leaving a kudos and a comment, they give me life.  
> Love,  
> JustGail


End file.
